I have no anger, if you will, about her. My anger comes from the fact that I wish it were me. From the fact that I know it would be had I not messed it up. An anger for the missed years. The big and the little.

Tonight my father in-law brought over family pictures. Hundreds of family pictures. I was happy to see they still had many of Mike & I from before. The time that I held so close to my heart. The time that I missed for too many years. When I told my friend about the pictures, I know she was hesitant. I know that she didn't want me looking through them. Thinking about the years of therapy. Riding in our cars. Listening to none other than Britany Spears doing it again. She is the only one that knew my regrets. The only one that knew how badly I hurt for so many years.

Looking through the pictures didn't make me jealous as I'm sure she thought they would. They made me feel the pain again. The pain of not having someone you want more than anything. They made me feel the regret again.

Over the years my pain helped me grow as a person. I was the bigger person. The one that only wanted happiness for those I loved. Not willing to put my feelings first but to step aside.

Regrets-They say you shouldn't regret anything, I know. Although we are together again I still have many regrets when I remember the past.