I'm sitting here alone tonight for the first time in a long time. Madison is with my mom and Mike is @ work. I should be going to sleep since I haven't slept much in the past couple of days. I have to work int he morning and I'm heading up to Green Bay right after work. I have a very long day ahead of me. But instead I'm sitting here. Relaxing. And letting it all out. I don't get to do that often. I should have a bottle of wine but I won't go that far since I have to work tomorrow. I'm watching a slideshow of pics of Brandon and listening to Brad Paisley's "when I get where I'm goin". Not a good thing to listen to? I know. But it helps. It helps me let it out.

I've been thinking a lot today for some reason about my relationship with God. I've never really had a serious one. I've grown up (not due in any part to my parents or my raising) being scared of religion and God. An ex helped me at least gain somewhat of a relationship with God but it wasn't until Brandon's death that I really felt a connection to Him. Strange as it may sound. I know that some people questions Him. Especially when something such as death happens close to them. But not me. I've always had to be difficult and different than the rest of the world.

I know that although I questions why sometimes still that God has given me a lot to be thankful for. He has given me a better husband than the majority of the population and the most beautiful baby girl ever. I know that hard times only make you stronger. I have grown to realize that all hard times DO happen for a reason and that we have to accept the hard in order to enjoy the good.

I do still question however why Brandon's death had to be MY lesson learned???