Madison's Birthday

My sister in-law just had a baby girl. A third girl for her and her husband. I was so excited to hear her message saying she was on the way to the hospital that I scared the shit out of Mike who was sleeping. Baby girl-no name yet. Oct. 26th, 2006. 19" long. 6 lbs 12 oz. She's beautiful! I cried as I looked at the pictures sent to me by another sister in-law. Wanting another. That's the third baby close to me born within two weeks. I told Madison of her new cousin and she giggled as she looked at the pictures. As though she were as happy as I am. As she knew what she was looking at. I thought about being a new aunt. And how I'm really not. Only by marriage. Not that I don't feel that way. Those girls have always made me feel as though I really am their aunt. But I will never get to be a "real" aunt. It's a little depressing needless to say. When you get down to the technicalities of it all.

Madison's first birthday is tomorrow. Her cousin was born 4 1/2 hours too early. I really hoped that she would hold out for Madison's birthday. Thinking of how great it would be to have a cousin exactly one year younger than her. It's still close enough. Time has flown by. Just one year ago I was the one at the hospital having a baby. So much has changed in that one year. Too much. I remember sitting on the chair at the hospital having contractions. I looked over to find Mike asleep in the recliner. He woke up as soon as I noticed. I remember being fat yet cute. I was actually a cute preggo. The only time I think I've ever thought of myself as cute. I remember getting Madison's room ready for her arrival. She hasn't slept in her room once with the exception of naps. She is now so big. Walking. Babbling. Trying to run. She has a personality of her own. She throws fits and smacks me when she's mad. She's still my little angel.

I know that time is only going to move faster. I know that I have to start living more in the moment and not worrying about the future. I know that I have to soak up every minute of time with Madison because I know that very soon she will be a teenager that wants nothing to do with her mommy.