As I was just playing with Madison I was thinking about the past and how I let so much time go by without Mike. About how I could have had all of this years ago but was too scared to go for it. He left for the Marine's right after highschool. The day before he left he went to my work to say goodbye but I was out with my then boyfriend. I got to say goodbye to him because my co-workers (friends) had him call me. When I got back to work they were all acting very strange. Saying things like "should I give it to her?". They eventually gave me a ring that Mike had left for me. It was a ring he had given me two Christmas' prior. We had gotten into a fight one night and out of anger I threw it. It went behind the basement stairs. We searched for hours but couldn't find it. His brother had found it and he wanted to be sure I had it before he left. It was the ugliest ring I had ever seen but I wore it anyway. To keep him close to me. I thought that he would go away and never look back. After all I did hurt him worse than anybody should ever be hurt.
A few weeks later I received a letter from Mike. He was in boot camp. I was so surprised and so happy to get the letters. We had discussed on a few different occasions getting back together but I was too scared. I had hurt him once. I didn't want to do it again. I also didn't want to be with a guy that was going to be hundreds of miles away. The letters kept coming. My then boyfriend found out and I had to make a decision. I wrote Mike one last time explaining to him that we couldn't stay in contact. The letters were coming still but not as often. He would write only about what he had been doing. The girls he had met. Friends he had made. After two years they stopped. Friends and family would continue to keep me updated on how he was doing. I didn't hear from Mike again until he got out of the Marine's.
I saw him at the gas station in town. He looked good. Looked happy. I know that he had called my dad's a couple of times. I didn't want to call him back. He had a girlfriend and I a boyfriend. It would be too hard to start over with someone I didn't know anymore. He asked me why I hadn't called him back. Said that he just wanted to see how I had been. We talked for a few minutes but I had to go. I had to get to work. He asked me to call him sometime. I said I would with no intentions of doing it.
I saw Mike on several occasions. We would both give a little glance but nothing too obvious. I was usually drunk and he was usually with his girlfriend. I finally called Mike the day after I got engaged. Nobody answered. I took it as a sign and went on with my life. Although I wanted nothing more than to be with him, I wanted him to be happy. I pushed it (the thought of him) away until the night of my bachlorette party.
My girls had planned a perfect bachlorette day for me. It started with a trip to Chi Town for some lunch and city fun. We then went to my aunt's house for a very sexy but very gay stripper. After we all hit the local tavern to continue our drinking binge. I had a great time. No thoughts of making a wrong decision which was surprising given the fact that I was drunk. I was starting to sober up and feeling sick when Mike walked in. I sat at the bar the rest of the night not drinking a thing while my friends were drunk out of their minds. I was debating talking to him. Giving it one last shot before I said "I do". I sent my friend to talk to him. I told her to just ask him if he wanted to hang out with us after the bar. He said no. He told her that he would love to but the thought of being around me knowing that I was getting married would hurt to much.
She never told me what he really said that night. She told me that he said he had plans. She finally told me after Mike and I had talked again. She apologized saying that she wasn't sure what to do since I was getting married. That she knew I wanted to be with Mike but she wasn't sure if we should be together. She hated the guy I married but she said that she knew it would happen if it were meant to be.
Needless to say after all the bullshit and "others" Mike and I finally got back together. We are where we should be. Where we should have been all along. Things happen for a reason. This has nothing to do with Brandon but I think that God gave Mike back to me when he did because of Brandon's death. He obviously knew what was going to happen. He wanted to be sure I was where I belonged before making me go through that.
A few weeks later I received a letter from Mike. He was in boot camp. I was so surprised and so happy to get the letters. We had discussed on a few different occasions getting back together but I was too scared. I had hurt him once. I didn't want to do it again. I also didn't want to be with a guy that was going to be hundreds of miles away. The letters kept coming. My then boyfriend found out and I had to make a decision. I wrote Mike one last time explaining to him that we couldn't stay in contact. The letters were coming still but not as often. He would write only about what he had been doing. The girls he had met. Friends he had made. After two years they stopped. Friends and family would continue to keep me updated on how he was doing. I didn't hear from Mike again until he got out of the Marine's.
I saw him at the gas station in town. He looked good. Looked happy. I know that he had called my dad's a couple of times. I didn't want to call him back. He had a girlfriend and I a boyfriend. It would be too hard to start over with someone I didn't know anymore. He asked me why I hadn't called him back. Said that he just wanted to see how I had been. We talked for a few minutes but I had to go. I had to get to work. He asked me to call him sometime. I said I would with no intentions of doing it.
I saw Mike on several occasions. We would both give a little glance but nothing too obvious. I was usually drunk and he was usually with his girlfriend. I finally called Mike the day after I got engaged. Nobody answered. I took it as a sign and went on with my life. Although I wanted nothing more than to be with him, I wanted him to be happy. I pushed it (the thought of him) away until the night of my bachlorette party.
My girls had planned a perfect bachlorette day for me. It started with a trip to Chi Town for some lunch and city fun. We then went to my aunt's house for a very sexy but very gay stripper. After we all hit the local tavern to continue our drinking binge. I had a great time. No thoughts of making a wrong decision which was surprising given the fact that I was drunk. I was starting to sober up and feeling sick when Mike walked in. I sat at the bar the rest of the night not drinking a thing while my friends were drunk out of their minds. I was debating talking to him. Giving it one last shot before I said "I do". I sent my friend to talk to him. I told her to just ask him if he wanted to hang out with us after the bar. He said no. He told her that he would love to but the thought of being around me knowing that I was getting married would hurt to much.
She never told me what he really said that night. She told me that he said he had plans. She finally told me after Mike and I had talked again. She apologized saying that she wasn't sure what to do since I was getting married. That she knew I wanted to be with Mike but she wasn't sure if we should be together. She hated the guy I married but she said that she knew it would happen if it were meant to be.
Needless to say after all the bullshit and "others" Mike and I finally got back together. We are where we should be. Where we should have been all along. Things happen for a reason. This has nothing to do with Brandon but I think that God gave Mike back to me when he did because of Brandon's death. He obviously knew what was going to happen. He wanted to be sure I was where I belonged before making me go through that.
posted by Kimberley | 8:25 PM
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