To my lil cousin
this blog is just everywhere. I started it with the intentions of writing to relieve some of the pain caused by my brother's death but I've decided to write about anything and everything...
I was looking at my lil cousin's myspace today. She's not lil anymore. She is actually 14 and it scares the hell out of me because I know how I was when I was her age. What I did to be more precise. As I was reading everything on her page I realized that she is a lot like me when I was young. Everyone has always said that she is exactly like me but I never saw it until recently. She's "in love". So "in love" it's pathetic. Ha. She's 14! I wish that young people would listen when adults tell them that they don't know anything and they don't know what love is. Because they really don't. I wish that I would have listened. Not that my life isn't good. With the exception of my brother being gone I have everything that I ever dreamt of. The guy I always wanted and a beautiful daughter. Great friends. A nice house. And a head that is on a straight as it can be given the circumstances. What upsets me is that I now know that if she would only listen she would not endure the kind of pain and regret she's setting herself up for.
I always thought I was in love. Always. I say always as tho there were many guys. There wasn't. Only a few contrary to popular belief. Which is something I'm very proud of. I feel completely in love with the second guy I had sex with. My had an on again, off again kinda relationship for many years. It only ended when he finally left for the military. I knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. I thought that him leaving would somehow lesson the love we had for each other. I thought that we were better off apart. As "friends". We weren't friends. We didn't talk to each other for 5 1/2 years. I got married and he stayed with the girl he ended up with after we broke up. The one that put up with his cheating and bullshit for many more years than I did. I still wonder why he stayed with her. He always answers that it was comfortable and he didn't care. It makes me question how a person can be like that but then I have to remember that I did it too. All the while thinking and dreaming of him.
When we finally talked again it was instant. Love that is. It was still there. I knew it was for me. Not only did he tell me it was for him but I could tell. It took being in each other's presence for 1 night. He's always told me that he never talked to me because he still loved me but he didn't see the point. He thought I was happy without him. I was never truly happy without him. I actually compare the way I feel now having lost my brother to the years I spent without him. The only difference is talking to him was a choice I had. The feelings were all very similar.
I just hope that this cousin of mine realizes that there is no need to try to rush love. No need to try to make it happen. It will happen. If you let it be it will happen. It's true what they say-what's meant to be will always find a way!
I actually think that quote is on my friend's myspace. Sorry, I didn't steal it! I just remembered that. :)
I was looking at my lil cousin's myspace today. She's not lil anymore. She is actually 14 and it scares the hell out of me because I know how I was when I was her age. What I did to be more precise. As I was reading everything on her page I realized that she is a lot like me when I was young. Everyone has always said that she is exactly like me but I never saw it until recently. She's "in love". So "in love" it's pathetic. Ha. She's 14! I wish that young people would listen when adults tell them that they don't know anything and they don't know what love is. Because they really don't. I wish that I would have listened. Not that my life isn't good. With the exception of my brother being gone I have everything that I ever dreamt of. The guy I always wanted and a beautiful daughter. Great friends. A nice house. And a head that is on a straight as it can be given the circumstances. What upsets me is that I now know that if she would only listen she would not endure the kind of pain and regret she's setting herself up for.
I always thought I was in love. Always. I say always as tho there were many guys. There wasn't. Only a few contrary to popular belief. Which is something I'm very proud of. I feel completely in love with the second guy I had sex with. My had an on again, off again kinda relationship for many years. It only ended when he finally left for the military. I knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. I thought that him leaving would somehow lesson the love we had for each other. I thought that we were better off apart. As "friends". We weren't friends. We didn't talk to each other for 5 1/2 years. I got married and he stayed with the girl he ended up with after we broke up. The one that put up with his cheating and bullshit for many more years than I did. I still wonder why he stayed with her. He always answers that it was comfortable and he didn't care. It makes me question how a person can be like that but then I have to remember that I did it too. All the while thinking and dreaming of him.
When we finally talked again it was instant. Love that is. It was still there. I knew it was for me. Not only did he tell me it was for him but I could tell. It took being in each other's presence for 1 night. He's always told me that he never talked to me because he still loved me but he didn't see the point. He thought I was happy without him. I was never truly happy without him. I actually compare the way I feel now having lost my brother to the years I spent without him. The only difference is talking to him was a choice I had. The feelings were all very similar.
I just hope that this cousin of mine realizes that there is no need to try to rush love. No need to try to make it happen. It will happen. If you let it be it will happen. It's true what they say-what's meant to be will always find a way!
I actually think that quote is on my friend's myspace. Sorry, I didn't steal it! I just remembered that. :)
posted by Kimberley | 7:13 PM
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