Part II-Monday December 19th, 2005

I woke Monday morning around 10-10:30. I hadn't slept well. Madison was hungry and needed changing. She and I moved to the couch to sleep. Mike worked nights. I often moved to the couch in the morning so that we didn't wake him. I had an uneasy feeling. I thought about calling Brandon. He was always an early riser so I knew he would be up. I talked myself out of it. Telling myself that he was ok and I would call him later. I was tired and wanted to go back to sleep. I worried too much and was sure that this time was no different than the others. Once Madison feel back asleep, I did too.

I woke around 3 pm. My dad was sitting on the couch next to me and my Uncle Mike was standing over me. I was dreary. Not quite awake. I knew, however, that something was wrong. Never had my dad and my Uncle shown up like that together. They should have both been at work at that time. Before I sat up I heard my dad's words so unclearly but I didn't want him to repeat them. "Bran's dead" he said. Those words, although extremely harsh in my mind, seemed to be the only my dad could get out. I started screaming. I knew it was true but I didn't believe him. I was screaming at him. "No he's not" I repeated. I heard my Uncle say "Mike, get the baby before she smashes her". I had forgotten that my beautiful 6 week old daughter was laying next to me. As strange as this word sounds to me, I was thrashing back and forth on the couch. Up and down. Every few minutes my dad would grab me. He has a way of holding me when I'm upset so that I can't move. He's done it many times.

I don't remember how long that had gone on. I remember gaining control and I began to ask questions. When? Why? How? Where? All of them. Neither of them had many answers. They told me what had happened in the hours previous that I had been sleeping. My dad told me that someone had to tell my mom. He asked if I wanted to do it or if I wanted he or my Uncle to go with me. That's when I put up my defense and the strength came out of me. I hadn't even thought about my mom until that point. But I knew I had to be the strong one. The one to get my parents, myself and everyone else through this. The most difficult time any of us would probably ever face. I said that I was going to go to my mom and tell her. My dad and Uncle had to go. My dad said that he had to do some things. I knew that he just had to get away. Being around me, I knew, made it harder on him. Seeing me that way. I talked with Mike for a few minutes. I don't know what about. I had to call my mom but first I had to call my best friend.

"Jessica?" That's what I alwasy called her when it was important or I was being serious. "Brandon's dead." I had used the same harsh words that my dad had just spoken to me. Jess thought it was a joke. Obviously that isn't how a normal person would tell their best friend that their brother had died. But I guess that's me. She came right over. I had to also call Andrea. She was suppose to be stopping by his apartment. I hoped that she hadn't heard anything yet. I called and we bullshitted for about 5 minutes about what she had been doing. I asked her if she had called Bran yet. She said that she was going to give him a call as soon as she dropped her boyfriend off at work. Which is what she was on her way to do at the time I called. I told her not to call him. I said "he died". We talked for a little longer but she was going to meet me at my dad's in a little while. I had to go tell my mom.