4 AM

It's 4 o'clock in the morning. I'm tired. But I can't go to sleep. I look at the clock again. It's 4:13. I close my eyes. My mind is racing. I look up at the angel I have hanging from my ceiling. It's moving. I think that when it moves it's him telling me that he's here with me. I'm scared to look away but I do. I think I see a glimpse of someone. I want to look at the angel again. I hear the heat pushing through the ducts. I think that the angel moves only because of the heat. What if I look up at it again but it has stopped moving. Would that prove that he isn't with me?

I think about Madison. I think about the discussion my husband and I have been having for a couple of weeks. We want to have another baby. We decided tonight that we are going to start trying. What would we name him? We want a him. But I think about my parents having a girl first and then a boy. I don't want Madison to loose her brother. I don't want to loose a child. We want at least three children so maybe I won't. Alexander Brandon? I think it sounds a little silly but I like it. We chose Alexander before Madison was born. I want one of my children to have my brother's name. I know Mike will go for it.

I look up at the angel again. It's still moving and the heat has stopped. I knew that it was him. I feel a sense of calm and quickly drift asleep.