Friends

There is something about friends that gives you the same comfortable feeling as a good fitting pair of jeans. Like good jeans, friends are hard to find. Real true friends are even harder to find. Over the past few months I have realized that I have some very good friends that have stuck by my side through a lot of shit. I also have realized that my old friends are still here. I have tried nothing more than to push these people away. Not intentionally necessarily but I have. I have made things up in my head. Reason's for not keeping in touch. They didn't try to keep in touch with me so why? But then I realize that they did in ways. The problem was that I didn't accept myself or the decisions I made. I guess in many ways I didn't feel worthy of their friendships. I'm not sure. I don't know why I would deprive myself of these friendships. The same reason back then for not holding on to these friendships is the same reason now that I want to try to, I guess, rekindle them.

My pain has been very real these days. It isn't the same pain that I felt in highschool when my boyfriend broke up with me for a cheerleader. It isn't the same pain that I felt when I didn't do well on the basketball team. It isn't even close to the same pain I felt when my parents got divorced. It is a pain that I will, thank god, never feel again in my life. It's a pain that I will eventually begin to feel less of but a pain that I have tried dealing with on my own like I did back then.

This time I'm not going to let myself continue to do that. This time I'm going to embrace the friendships that I've had for years, the new friendships that I'm finding everyday and the old friendships that I thought I had lost.

An email from an old friend today comforted me. It wasn't about anything important. It just made me feel as though I am going to get through this. It made me know that there are people out there, regardless of whether or not I stay in touch with them, that truly care.

The bad times in our lives truly make us better people. I am going to take this opprotunity....

Thank you to all my friends, old and new!